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curiouswombatThis is a set of drabbles written for Tolkien Weekly.
They are all cautionary tales told to little hobbits during the latter half of the sixteen century by Shire reckoning. (This would be the mid to late second century of the Fourth Age by the reckoning of the men of Gondor.) Or, in other words, almost 200 years after the events in Lord of the Rings. The Shire has had little contact with the outside world for some time. There is a tiny grain of Tolkien-truth in the pearl that is each of them - except one! I'll leave you to guess which one...
The Dragon
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who was tempted to leave his nice, cosy, hobbit hole by a wily wizard and some dreadful dwarves. They made him walk further and further from the safety of the Shire, up hill and down dale, until they came to a dragon’s den.
The dreadful dwarves pushed the hobbit, and poked the hobbit, until he went in… when he saw the dragon, the dragon saw him… It breathed out fearsome fire and burnt the hobbit up!
Which just goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The River
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off adventuring. No-one knows why, or just where he wandered, but finally he came across a river where there was no water, for there had been no rain for many a day (which would never happen here in The Shire).
And, just as he went to walk across, a great wall of water came rushing, and gushing, and tumbled down upon him… and he was drowned to death!
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Ship's Cook
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off to sea as a ship’s cook – a very un-hobbity thing to do.
One day he was cooking another fish stew when someone said they saw a mountain on fire in the distance. The hobbit left the dinner untended to see what the fuss was about but, almost as soon as he got his feet on the deck, he was washed overboard by a mountain of water instead.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Soldier**
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off to a great white city full of big people, trying to be a soldier.
But the city ran out of food – only one meal a day and that just some uninspiring cheese and a bit of stale bread.
The hobbit grew so weak his armour weighed him down and when the time came to fight he couldn’t run away from the enemy soldiers, who killed him – dead!
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Windy Day
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole, took his dog, and built himself a wooden house with a straw thatch roof, on the top of a high stone peak.
One day a mighty, powerful, wind arose that picked up house, hobbit, and dog tossing them skywards, willy-nilly, until they finally landed in a heap.
The hobbit peered out and said to the dog, “Well I guess we’re not in Hobbiton any more…”
They were never seen again.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Great Eye
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and walked for weeks, for months, until he was far from The Shire. And all that time he was being watched by a Great Eye in the sky; waiting, watching…
Then, one dark, dreary, day the Great Eye blinked… and the earth shook, and the earth trembled, until the ground was split asunder.
The hobbit teetered, tottered, overbalanced, tumbling into a great chasm; he disappeared… never to be seen again.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
Big People****
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole to learn about Big People.
He saw that in many ways they were not unlike hobbits and decided to stay for a while.
But then came the black boil sickness and some of the Big People blamed the hobbit; though it was never his fault.
So the hobbit came home. But he brought back black boil sickness and half the hobbits of the Shire died, including him.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave The Shire can bring about a bad end for us all!
** It is very likely that this cautionary tale developed from this story told on his return to the Shire by Pippin.
****Author's note - A devastating disease spread across Middle Earth between III 1635 and III 1637, more commonly called the Dark Plague or the Great Plague. It came out of the East, ravaging Rhovanion and Gondor (King Telemnar of Gondor and his children were all lost to it) before passing on northwards. It is quite possible that it was a form of Biological Warfare emanating from Mordor...
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only, and all rights remain with the estate of JRR Tolkien.
They are all cautionary tales told to little hobbits during the latter half of the sixteen century by Shire reckoning. (This would be the mid to late second century of the Fourth Age by the reckoning of the men of Gondor.) Or, in other words, almost 200 years after the events in Lord of the Rings. The Shire has had little contact with the outside world for some time. There is a tiny grain of Tolkien-truth in the pearl that is each of them - except one! I'll leave you to guess which one...
The Dragon
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who was tempted to leave his nice, cosy, hobbit hole by a wily wizard and some dreadful dwarves. They made him walk further and further from the safety of the Shire, up hill and down dale, until they came to a dragon’s den.
The dreadful dwarves pushed the hobbit, and poked the hobbit, until he went in… when he saw the dragon, the dragon saw him… It breathed out fearsome fire and burnt the hobbit up!
Which just goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The River
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off adventuring. No-one knows why, or just where he wandered, but finally he came across a river where there was no water, for there had been no rain for many a day (which would never happen here in The Shire).
And, just as he went to walk across, a great wall of water came rushing, and gushing, and tumbled down upon him… and he was drowned to death!
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Ship's Cook
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off to sea as a ship’s cook – a very un-hobbity thing to do.
One day he was cooking another fish stew when someone said they saw a mountain on fire in the distance. The hobbit left the dinner untended to see what the fuss was about but, almost as soon as he got his feet on the deck, he was washed overboard by a mountain of water instead.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Soldier**
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and went off to a great white city full of big people, trying to be a soldier.
But the city ran out of food – only one meal a day and that just some uninspiring cheese and a bit of stale bread.
The hobbit grew so weak his armour weighed him down and when the time came to fight he couldn’t run away from the enemy soldiers, who killed him – dead!
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Windy Day
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole, took his dog, and built himself a wooden house with a straw thatch roof, on the top of a high stone peak.
One day a mighty, powerful, wind arose that picked up house, hobbit, and dog tossing them skywards, willy-nilly, until they finally landed in a heap.
The hobbit peered out and said to the dog, “Well I guess we’re not in Hobbiton any more…”
They were never seen again.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
The Great Eye
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole and walked for weeks, for months, until he was far from The Shire. And all that time he was being watched by a Great Eye in the sky; waiting, watching…
Then, one dark, dreary, day the Great Eye blinked… and the earth shook, and the earth trembled, until the ground was split asunder.
The hobbit teetered, tottered, overbalanced, tumbling into a great chasm; he disappeared… never to be seen again.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave their homes always come to no good end!
Big People****
Once upon a time there lived a hobbit who left his cosy hobbit hole to learn about Big People.
He saw that in many ways they were not unlike hobbits and decided to stay for a while.
But then came the black boil sickness and some of the Big People blamed the hobbit; though it was never his fault.
So the hobbit came home. But he brought back black boil sickness and half the hobbits of the Shire died, including him.
Which goes to show that hobbits that leave The Shire can bring about a bad end for us all!
** It is very likely that this cautionary tale developed from this story told on his return to the Shire by Pippin.
****Author's note - A devastating disease spread across Middle Earth between III 1635 and III 1637, more commonly called the Dark Plague or the Great Plague. It came out of the East, ravaging Rhovanion and Gondor (King Telemnar of Gondor and his children were all lost to it) before passing on northwards. It is quite possible that it was a form of Biological Warfare emanating from Mordor...
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only, and all rights remain with the estate of JRR Tolkien.
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Date: 02/06/2012 08:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 02/06/2012 09:24 am (UTC)