If someone else wrote Twilight...

[curiouswombat]

gailcarriger posted a link to this article entitled If Famous Writers Had Written Twilight where a blogger, her husband, and a writer friend consider what might have happened if other (read 'better') writers had undertaken to tell Bella, Edward and Jacob's story.

After we laughed over that list (James Joyce was my favourite), S2C and I would like to add a few more of our own, too:


Shakespeare’s Twilight and Cressida – in Verona, the love-life of star-crossed lovers Edward and Bella is complicated by Edward’s identical twin Jacob.

Piers Anthony - Edward and Jacob fall in love with Bella after seeing her panties. Puns ensue.

Tom Clancy – the story takes place in Washington DC, not Washington State, Bella is a presidential speech writer, Jacob & Edward are respectively a marine and a soldier in an armoured regiment, serving in the US forces invading Italy as part of Operation Breaking Dawn, communication with Bella is restricted to letters home sandwiched between hundreds of pages of loving descriptions of military hardware.

Terry Pratchett
Bella loves Edward but he loses interest in her when he becomes the president of the League of Black Ribboners, her fall-back love-interest, Jacob, loses all interest in Bella when he meets Sergeant Angua of the Ankh-Morpork Watch. Bella flees to remote Lancre where Granny Weatherwax give her a severe talking to, encouraging her to become an independent and self-sufficient young lady.

Edward Bulwer-Lytton – it was a dark and stormy twilight…

Feel free to join in, repost or whatever!

Comments

[spiced-wine.livejournal.com]

Oh, Pratchett should definitely have written it! Bella needs a good talking to from Granny Weatherwax! :D

[elisi]

I want the Virginia Wolf one... *pines*

[makd.livejournal.com]

:-)

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

Hee! This was great fun.

[myrhiann.livejournal.com]

What an interesting flight of thought!

[alwaysjbj.livejournal.com]

Having never read any of the books or seen the movies, I couldn't go into any detail, but my crazy brain jumped straight to wondering how Dr Seuss would handle it. LOL

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

Those are pretty much all better that the original! I can't decide if I like the Tom Clancy or the Terry Pratchett best though...

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

My favorite is the Piers Anthony idea.

[modillian.livejournal.com]

Hiya, you've been metaquoted (http://metaquotes.livejournal.com/7568184.html). :P

[deborahw37.livejournal.com]

Lol!

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

Peter F Hamilton's version is substantially the same as the original books but three times as long and involves several fairly pointless space battles

[spikereader.livejournal.com]

But what colour were Bella's panties?

Haven't time to check out the original link at the moment, but will definitely be back. Love your and S2C's ideas.

[pondhopper.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious! I love the Shakespearean version.
LOL

[kortirion.livejournal.com]

Of course you could go for Freud's multi-volume analysis whereby Bella, Edward and Jacob take turns playing the roles of Id, Ego and Super-ego, while recounting their dreams. Bella eventually demands to be spanked with a wooden paddle by Jacob, and Edward watches, wishing he too could be that manly and primeval... asking to be spanked that is!

Weatherwax for the win!

[miso-no-tsuki.livejournal.com]

Bella could probably do with a bit of head-ology! I wonder how Edward and Lady Margoletta would get on? "Vun day at a time..."

What a wonderful idea. I've never read any of the Twilight Saga after my (then)18 yr old daughter said she had read a sample chapter on the web and it was "Worse than the average fanfic Mary Sue written by a 12 year old. (pause) A retarded 12 year old.!"
Makes you proud to be a parent! Hee.