Researching for Burns Night, or What Sex is a Computer?

I am doing a speech at the Burns Night Supper this year. I shall be replying to the 'Toast to the lassies'. I've been doing a bit of a read through some of the relevant poetry to get me started, and even looked at a few other people's speeches on line, and some suggestions for humerous bits to use.

During this research I came across the following -

There has been some debate recently as to what gender a computer is, after all if ships are `she' or `her' what sex is the humble computer.
Masculine say women
• In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
• They have a lot of data but remain clueless.
• They are supposed to help you to solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
• As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

Feminine say the men
• No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
• Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for latter retrieval.
• As soon as you make a commitment to one you find yourself spending half your cheque on accessories for it.

OK - not got much to do with Burns - but it made me giggle.